Content in the Unknown

I sit here, curser blinking, unsure what to tell you. I graduated college, that was cool. I don't know if it's really sunk in yet. I'm still pretty much doing the same things: coffee, bible, more coffee, coffee shops, read books (one's I want to read), write (like this here fancy blog), and pray. I pray a lot. Lately I've been praying more than I have in a while. Why is it we are drawn to our knees to pray when something huge is happening? I so wish to grow in my prayer life so I'm continually thanking God for the mundane. Don't get me wrong, I thank God for the small things all the time. But being in prayer continuously, now that's beautiful.

Lately with the help of wonderful and trusted friends, we've been praying some pretty huge prayers. God is a big God, why not go to Him with big prayers. I know the Lord will provide, I've spoken about it before. But one of my constant prayers is for God to show me just a glimpse of what His will is for me in the next few weeks, just a hint of what exactly that provision will be. Just the next few weeks, that's all. Not who I'm going to marry, not how many children I'll have, not even what am I suppose to do with my life. Just...am I moving to Colorado? Will I reach 100% funded before January? So much of my life currently is volatile. It wouldn't be truthful for me to say that I'm not scared. In fact, I'm quite worried.

Why is it that we are so forgetful? I have had many experiences of the Lord's provision upon learning I would be support raising. The last week of camp, our bible study leaders gave us a glass jar and some small rocks. We spent our final study together writing and sharing moments of God's faithfulness in our life and placing those rocks in our jars. It was such a precious moment to hear the amazing ways God remains faithful.  The rocks were meant to be used just as the rocks in Joshua 4 were to be used to remember the cutting off of the flow of the Jordan when the ark of the covenant crossed it. Just as the people of Israel forget often in the Old Testament, I too had forgotten the Lord's faithfulness in my life. I revisited my jar of faithfulness, I reread old notebooks, and I meditated on old verses I had clung to in the early stages of support raising.

Now I'm clinging to the unknown, living each day in close communion with my faithful Father, and relishing in the beauty of His good and perfect will. It's okay if I don't know, I don't need to (as much as I want to). It will be for my ultimate good, and more importantly His glory. I long to live in this contentment of the unknown all the time.

A special thank you to everyone who is continuing to pray for me, I am thankful for your support. Also a huge thank you to everyone whose partnered with the ministry work I get to do in Colorado both financially and through prayer support, it's a journey I'm so happy to be taking with you!